Zhao Dezhu swallowed hard, clearly tempted.
It was true.
Wherever this stinking brat went, little fangirls screamed and swooned.
Even back at the toy cabin, both Han Menglu and Tao Xinyi had taken Jiang Nan’s side.
Somehow Jiang Nan always made girls like him.
“Is it reliable? Have you actually ever set a couple up successfully?”
Jiang Nan thumped his chest. “Of course. Glasses-brother and Du Yue were totally my doing.”
“Right now Du Yue is still so grateful to me she’s moved to tears. Just put your heart in your stomach, old man.”
Zhao Dezhu’s eyes lit up. “What’s the trick? Tell me.”
Jiang Nan stroked his chin. “Granny Li is this upset, which means she definitely loves you.”
“What does she like about you?”
Zhao Dezhu answered instantly, “Naturally my tall, mighty, and devastatingly handsome self.”
Jiang Nan glanced up at Zhao Dezhu.
Shiny bald head. No ears. Face covered in blood. Only four teeth left…
(≖_≖)
Devastatingly handsome?
How did the old man say that with a straight face?
“Ahem. Since that’s the case, we take the parts she likes and magnify them infinitely. Then she’ll love you even more.”
“Love you till she can’t help herself.”
“And with my treasures added in, your charm will be unstoppable. Granny Li will fall completely.”
Zhao Dezhu looked baffled. “Is… is that how it works?”
Jiang Nan replied, “Don’t you trust me?”
Zhao Dezhu thought about it. “Seems reasonable. But how do we magnify my good points?”
Jiang Nan gave a wicked grin.
He pulled out one bottle of Vigorous 2.0.
One Supreme Beauty Pill.
One packet of Heart-Pounding Popping Candy.
A perfect little combo punch. No grandma could withstand Pillar Grandpa after this.
Zhao Dezhu’s face darkened. “You little punk, trying to scam me again. Vigorous 2.0 makes my head glow, right?”
Jiang Nan glared. “So what if it glows? Just wear a hat.”
“This stuff will turn you into an absolute alpha stud. It infinitely amplifies your tall-and-mighty aura.”
Zhao Dezhu struggled inwardly. That last Detestable Ginseng had nearly killed him.
He really didn’t dare eat anything Jiang Nan gave him anymore.
“What about the other two?”
Jiang Nan chuckled. “Beauty pill, plus a treasure that boosts your manly charm.”
Zhao Dezhu gritted his teeth.
For love, I’ll risk it.
He reached for the Vigorous 2.0, but Jiang Nan slapped his hand away.
“Hey, hey, hey. This isn’t charity. Heartthrob Combo Set, limited-time offer, only one ultimate technique.”
Zhao Dezhu’s face went black. “I knew it. You’re already trying to pry my secret move out of me before anything’s happened.”
Jiang Nan said, “Grandpa Pillar. Love isn’t something you can just buy whenever you want. This chance comes only once. Love is priceless.”
Zhao Dezhu covered his face. “Fine, fine. You and your silver tongue. Deal.”
“But you won’t be able to learn my move, kid. Call that bald bear over. I’ll teach him instead. That acceptable?”
Jiang Nan grinned. “Deal.”
Getting Big Bear an ultimate technique works too.
The impatient Zhao Dezhu snatched the Supreme Beauty Pill and washed it down with the entire bottle of Vigorous 2.0.
RIIIP.
Shreds of cloth flew everywhere.
In an instant, Zhao Dezhu transformed into a three-metre-tall mountain of muscle, his bald head radiating righteous light.
Basically senior-citizen Hulk.
Torrents of power flooded every corner of his body.
His rough Zhang Fei face was refined by the beauty pill into something ruggedly majestic, brimming with presence.
Zhao Dezhu’s eyes nearly popped out, face full of shock. “This power. My god.”
“I feel like I could pull a train with one hand. I could hit pressure points on the planet. I could punch a Heavenly Dao realm expert into next week.”
Jiang Nan covered his face.
Pillar Grandpa is about to ascend.
The physical boost from Vigorous 2.0 was no joke.
The higher the base stats, the more insane the result.
“Hold off on the planetary acupuncture for now. Put on some underwear first. And the hat.”
He handed over a mink-ear-flap hat and a pair of official Hulk-brand briefs.
Zhao Dezhu, eyes shining with excitement, couldn’t resist the popping candy either. He tore open the packet and poured the whole thing into his mouth.
Jiang Nan: !!!
“Wait, don’t.”
BANG. BANG. BANG.
A chain of explosions made Zhao Dezhu roll his eyes, but the old warrior tanked it.
He felt his spiritual-energy absorption speed skyrocket.
Eyes gleaming, he roared, “Punk. Everything in your pocket is top-tier stuff. Haha. Amazing.”
Jiang Nan was stunned too.
Old ginger is spicier. First person ever to take the full popping-candy barrage without flinching.
Hat on, briefs on, quick glance in a hand mirror.
Looking at the majestic, domineering reflection, Zhao Dezhu flushed with pride.
“Well? Is my Heartthrob Combo fragrant or what?”
“Fragrant as hell. What do I do next? I’m all yours.”
Jiang Nan leaned in with a sly smile. “Come closer.”
Zhao Dezhu replied, “I don’t have ears anymore.”
Jiang Nan: …
“Gurgle gurgle roar roar~”
๐(๑ಡзಡ)つ
Zhao Dezhu’s eyes widened in horror. “That… that’ll work?”
Jiang Nan reassured him, “Trust me. I’ve got your back. Confidence, Grandpa.”
Zhao Dezhu took a deep breath. “Here I go.”
Two steps later his heart was pounding so hard he thought it would leap out of his throat.
“No, no, no. Got anything else I can use? If this fails it’ll be mortifying.”
Jiang Nan gritted his teeth. “Then we bring out the ultimate weapon.”
He slapped a Lucky Little Cherry into Zhao Dezhu’s palm.
“Eat this. For the next thirty minutes you are the Chosen One. Lucky Pillar. Everything you do will succeed.”
“But remember. After thirty minutes find somewhere with no people and hide. Come out again after three hours.”
Zhao Dezhu’s eyes sparkled. There’s something this good?
He popped the cherry into his mouth without hesitation.
Jiang Nan: !!!
“I warned you. Don’t blame me if something happens.”
Zhao Dezhu laughed. “I’m not scared. Why should you be?”
He swallowed, turned, and strode toward the residential building like a warrior marching into battle.
Jiang Nan swallowed nervously and muttered, “Shield of China… should be able to survive this, right?”
…
Behold Zhao Dezhu, mink hat on head, Hulk briefs only.
Aside from skin colour, he was literally the Hulk.
He walked with the swagger of a man who denies kinship with his own mother. Confidence maxed.
Every grandpa and grandma in sight stared.
The volunteering students gaped.
“Holy crap. Old Zhao ate Golden Fertiliser? Or clenbuterol?”
“No. He got hit by gamma radiation.”
“He’s kinda hot actually.”
“Wow. Grandpa Pillar is so manly.”
“My little heart is racing. Grandpa Pillar is so handsome.”
“One look and I’m blushing already.”
Hearing the chatter, Zhao Dezhu’s grin stretched almost to where his ears used to be.
This Heartthrob Combo is incredible.
Just watch your Pillar Grandpa win back your Granny Li, Jiang Nan.
He marched straight to Granny Li’s door.
Soft sobbing came from inside.
Zhao Dezhu inhaled deeply and knocked.
“Honghong, it’s.”
BANG.
His light tap punched a fist-sized hole clean through the reinforced security door.
Half his arm went straight through.
Zhao Dezhu froze.
Do I have to be this strong?
The power surging inside him was terrifying. He hadn’t adjusted yet.
[Resentment from Zhao Dezhu +1000]
Knocked on the door and punched a hole through it?
Starting like this? Super awkward.
Granny Li on the bed jumped in fright and wiped her tears.
“Didn’t I tell you to never come back?”
“Come in. The door isn’t locked.”
Zhao Dezhu’s eyes lit up. It’s working.
Jiang Nan’s stuff is legit. Honghong is letting me in.
Trying to calm his pounding heart, he gently gripped the handle and opened the door.
CLICK.
The entire steel security door, frame and all, came off in his hand.
Pillar Grandpa stood there holding the door, utterly lost.
[Resentment from Zhao Dezhu +1000]
Jiang Nan, squatting in the bushes spying, face red from holding in laughter.
Pillar Grandpa, tone it down a bit.
Granny Li stared at Zhao Dezhu’s new physique and outfit, stunned for a moment, then her face flushed bright red.
Aaaaah. I’m still angry, but why does one look at this horrible old man make my heart race?
Do… do I still like him after all?
Zhao Dezhu: !!!
She’s blushing. She’s actually blushing.
