Odin God Lord: “The key? Where is it? Hand it over. Didn’t you say before that we spent a fortune getting it from Qianbenying?”
The magician jolted.
The data was real, so the key had to be fake.
That Qianbenying was Jiangnan in disguise. Everyone in Metropolis had one.
No chance it would unlock. The real key was probably still with Jiangnan.
But at this point, the magician could only pull out the key.
“God Lord, listen to me. This key is…”
Odin God Lord: “No more talking. Whatever it cost, the Society will reimburse you. How could we short-change you?”
He snatched the key and jammed it into the computer.
The magician’s face darkened. This isn’t about money. Why won’t you let me finish?
After inserting the key, English text appeared again on the screen: “Key match successful. Unlocking program, 1%…”
Odin God Lord’s face flushed with excitement. He stared at the screen.
“Haha. With this, our Light Society will be unrivalled in curse scripts. The grand plan will succeed.”
“Magician, you truly are my right-hand man.”
The magician’s head buzzed. Match successful?
The key is real too? How is that possible?
No. Something’s wrong.
The progress bar reached 100%. Files unlocked.
A video automatically popped up on the screen.
A twin-ponytailed, two-metre-tall muscular moe girl gripped two giant spring onions and wildly swung her hips.
“Come on. Follow my rhythm. Dance together.”
“Hands on head. Twist waist, swing hips, shake legs, smile.”
At the same time, the BGM kicked in.
“Yo ai na~ Peng you wai sou~ Deng le deng. Deng. Deng. Deng deng~”
A brain-worm tune, Phuthon, looped endlessly.
Every hip twist and swing perfectly hit the drum beat.
They had even added thoughtful outline effects.
For a moment, the entire Light Society secret base fell deathly silent. Everyone froze.
Odin God Lord: (´*口*`) Aaaah!
“What the hell is this? My eyes. My eyes!”
A wretched scream tore from Odin God Lord’s throat. His body instinctively smashed a fist into the monitor.
He punched straight through. White smoke rose from the screen.
The whole base went quiet. The magician’s face drained of colour.
That muscular moe girl was the centre dancer doing the spring-onion fling in Central Park.
Jiangnan. I just~%?…;#*’ you.
You never stop screwing me, do you? I knew something was off.
Fake. Everything’s bloody fake.
I’ve ended up the ultimate fall guy.
The monitor was smashed, yet the next instant every display in the secret base blue-screened and began playing the same clip.
“Deng le deng. Deng. Deng. Deng deng~”
Iron Bull danced wildly.
Hips thrusting to the beat.
Waist like a tiger.
Blue light crystal clear.
Odin exploded. “Turn it off. Turn it off now. What kind of monster is this?”
The staff panicked. “We… we can’t. The system’s infected.”
“Worse. The database files are deleting themselves.”
“Hiss. Quick. Cut the power, pull the cables.”
The secret base descended into chaos. Iron Bull never imagined he would go viral overseas.
Right now, Odin God Lord’s gaze at the magician could kill.
“Explain this. What is it? Is this how you do your job?”
After all that effort, you bring me back a monster?
The magician sweated buckets. “It’s all Jiangnan’s fault. He gave it to me. All him. Nothing to do with me. I…”
Odin ground his teeth. “Rubbish. I can do without this right-hand man.”
“Don’t you dare run. Photon cannon.”
[Resentment value from David Copperfield +1000!]
[From David…]
…
On the military vehicle heading to Longyuan headquarters, Jiangnan watched the scrolling resentment list and giggled nonstop.
Surely the magician didn’t actually use the key to unlock the drive?
Inside was a massive surprise. Jiangnan had spent an entire afternoon making that video.
Absolutely epic.
Back on home soil, Jiangnan finally relaxed. After a moment’s thought, he pulled out his phone and messaged Da Lang Mie.
South God: The peace charm worked great. Heading to Longyuan HQ first. Back at the academy this afternoon. Tell Xuexue to cook something nice and wait for me to come home yo!
⸜(*॑꒳॑*)⸝
He had been away so long. Jiangnan was starting to miss home.
Thinking of Xuexue, Lang Mie, and the others, a gentle curve touched his lips.
Perhaps it was because he had people he cared about that he had held on back in Area 53.
The reply came almost instantly.
Da Lang Mie: ٩(๑˃̶͈̀ᗜ˂̶͈́)۶ Yippee~ Missed you like crazy!
I’ll drag Xuexue out for a run to work up an appetite and warm your food.
(ˊo̴̶̷̤̫o̴̶̷̤ˋ)
Jiangnan scratched his head.
What does running have to do with warming food?
Won’t you cook something fresh when I get home?
Still eating leftovers from New Year’s Eve dinner?
“I don’t want leftovers. Make something new, please?”
Da Lang Mie: (◦`~´◦) You big idiot!
[Resentment value from Xia Yao +777!]
[From…]
Jiangnan: (๑•̌.•̑๑)ˀ̣ˀ̣
He pocketed the phone, tilted his head, and whispered, “Unicorn big sis, still there?”
A jelly-like little hand reached out from high-dimensional space and gently squeezed his.
Jiangnan felt instantly reassured.
He finally had the mind to check the system. Although Little Cherry had drained nine million resentment points, plenty remained.
Plus what he earned flattening Area 53, he now had over 8.3 million.
To prevent the system cheating him out of upgrade cards again, Jiangnan pulled out a notebook and logged every resentment expenditure.
Back in the country, major crisis over, no need to hoard for emergencies.
He threw in five million straight away and started a lucky ten-draw.
[Thank you for playing. Consolation prize: Holy Spring Onion Sword x1!]
[Congratulations. Prize: Passionate Fiery Mittens x1 pair!]
…
Five million gone. Seventeen pairs of mittens, countless spring onions.
Jiangnan’s heart remained calm. He was long used to this trash drop rate.
Another three million. I refuse to believe no new prizes appear.
After burning 1.7 million, a new prize finally showed in the list.
[Thank you for playing. Consolation prize: Paralysis Gold Ring x1!]
[Thank you for playing. Consolation prize: Paralysis…]
…
Jiangnan shot bolt upright.
No new proper prizes, but a new consolation?
He ignored the rest. It had the word gold in it.
Gold ring? Actual gold?
The system finally acted human. Even if useless, he could melt gold rings for cash.
Three million later, he had drawn over a hundred paralysis gold rings.
He hurried to the system inventory to check effects.
[Paralysis Gold Ring!]
Effect: 100% paralysis on enemy. Wearer must poke target’s body with ringed finger to activate. Ring lasts 30 minutes.
Poke him, he paralyses.
Poke you, you paralyse.
Poke anyone, they paralyse.
Poke wherever resists. So easy.
Mum won’t worry about my troubles any more.
Use both hands to poke your own legend.
ᕕ(՞ټ՞)—☞✧
Jiangnan’s little face darkened. Reading the description, he somehow felt insulted by the system.
What kind of paralysis ring is this?
Poke anyone, they paralyse?
Same vibe as the big green stick, except no need to hit the crown.
Any body part works?
Truly, Bulbasaur’s dad opening the door for Bulbasaur.
Wonderful to the extreme.
Combined with his spatial wormholes, he could paralyse whoever he wanted.
Divine artefact.
Thrilled, Jiangnan pulled out a paralysis gold ring to examine.
The ring was solid, gleaming gold, radiating the scent of money.
The face bore the abbreviation for “paralysis”.
MB.
He loved it at first sight. Must be ten-odd grams.
He was about to slip it on, eager to test the paralysis.
Yet he hesitated.
It was, after all, a consolation prize. Who knew what bizarre side effects it might have?
But the effect was genuinely strong.
Gritting teeth, stamping foot.
No risk, no candy.
Here goes.
He slid it onto his left index finger, glanced around, and his gaze landed on Ye Zhenguo in the front passenger seat.
A terrifying Dao Heaven. Perfect test subject right there. Use it or lose it.
Wearing the ring, Jiangnan leaned forward. Spatial wormhole opened. Finger passed through the seat back and poked Ye Zhenguo’s spine.
He watched expectantly.
Ye Zhenguo frowned slightly, then carried on digging his nose.
Jiangnan: ???
No reaction? Shouldn’t be.
Are Dao Heavens that strong?
Did I not poke hard enough? Need more pokes?
So his finger darted in and out of the wormhole, frantically jabbing Ye Zhenguo’s back until it blurred.
Ye Zhenguo shifted in his seat, puzzled. “Why do I feel someone poking my back? Feels quite nice.”
Li Bing, driving, laughed. “Modern cars have seat massage functions. You haven’t tried it before, sir?”
Ye Zhenguo roared with laughter. “Getting old. Can’t keep up with the times. This seat massage is comfortable. Five stars, five stars.”
Jiangnan: !!!
Bullshit seat massage. That was me poking.
Why no paralysis?
Paralyse, damn it. Paralyse for me.
