This table of dishes tasted amazing—delicious food with a hint of wine aroma that made your mouth water and kept you eating non-stop. But while it was tasty, it was a bit strong. By the end, Zhu Ping’an even felt a little tipsy.
“Today’s dishes have a lot of wine as seasoning—I’m feeling a bit lightheaded,” Zhu Ping’an said, rubbing his head with a wry smile.
His tolerance for alcohol was truly pitiful, both in his past life and now. It was hard to put into words.
He wasn’t exactly a one-drink lightweight, but he wasn’t far off either.
“No way, it’s just a bit of cooking wine. Have a cup of tea later, and it’ll wear off. The doctor said that for you all coming back from the battlefield, using some wine in cooking can ward off the cold, dispel evil, and warm and nourish the body. Brother Zhu, just eat without worry. Here, try this drunken crab—it’s from Zhongbao Tong’s ‘Tong De Da’ brand. I had someone buy it fresh this morning. The meat’s tender and the flavour’s delicious. You’ve got to eat more, Brother Zhu.”
Li Shu said as she picked up a piece of drunken crab for Zhu Ping’an, gently coaxing him to eat more.
Fair enough.
It was just a splash of cooking wine in the stir-fry—how much alcohol could there be? Worst case, he’d drink some tea afterwards to sober up.
So, Zhu Ping’an let loose and dug in heartily again.
Especially seeing Li Shu eating plenty alongside him, he relaxed even more and enjoyed the feast.
Of course, Li Shu stuck to the vegetables.
“Sister, Brother-in-law, help, help!”
Just as Zhu Ping’an and Li Shu were happily eating, the loud wail of a mischievous kid echoed from outside.
Then, they saw the little terror, Rui Ge’er, barrel into the courtyard like a cannonball.
“Greetings, Fifth Young Mistress, Fifth Young Master.”
Trailing behind Rui Ge’er were an old nanny and a maid, who hurriedly bowed to Li Shu and Zhu Ping’an as they followed him in.
“Rui Ge’er, why are you yelling for help? What happened? Don’t panic—come sit down and tell us while you eat.”
Li Shu waved him over to her side. Qin’er added a stool for Rui Ge’er to sit on.
Hua’er served him a bowl of rice.
“Make sure not to give Rui Ge’er any dishes cooked with wine. He’s too young to have even a drop,” Li Shu instructed the boy’s personal maid.
“Fifth Sister, Fifth Brother-in-law, you’ve got to take me in and let me stay here for a few days. Once my dad cools off, I’ll go back. If I go home now and fall into his hands, he’ll beat me to death for sure.”
Rui Ge’er sat down, tilting his chubby face up with a pitiful look, traces of fear still lingering on his expression.
He didn’t seem to be lying. He must’ve angered Marquis Linhuai again—though who knows what trouble he’d stirred up this time to rile the marquis so much.
“You didn’t see it—my dad grabbed a stick this thick and chased me with it, saying he was going to teach me a proper lesson.”
“With my delicate skin, if I took a few hits from that, how could I survive? If anything happened to me, wouldn’t Grandmother be heartbroken to death? It’d be like one stick causing two tragedies. Fifth Sister, Fifth Brother-in-law, you’ve got to save me.”
Rui Ge’er gestured with both hands to show the stick’s thickness, his tone exaggerated.
“What trouble did you cause this time to make your dad so mad?” Zhu Ping’an asked, shaking his slightly tipsy head with an amused smile.
“I didn’t! I’m a good kid—how could I cause trouble?” Rui Ge’er’s chubby face shook vigorously as he protested.
You, a good kid?
Zhu Ping’an twitched the corner of his mouth wordlessly. Out of those three words, you only fit “kid”—“good” doesn’t even come close.
Rui Ge’er usually lived with Marquis Linhuai in Yingtian, but hadn’t the marquis been promoted to Deputy Commander of Jianghuai? He was now in charge of policing the rivers and seas, overseeing Huaihai, and managing coastal defences, stationed at Jinshan Garrison near Shanghai, not far from Suzhou.
So, Marquis Linhuai had moved his household to Jinshan Garrison.
A few days ago, when Japanese pirates raided Suzhou and got crushed, a few hundred remnants fled to Jiaxing and breached the city.
Governor Zhang Jing then ordered Marquis Linhuai to shift his camp from Jinshan Garrison to Taihu Lake outside Suzhou, strengthening inland waterway defences and coordinating the protection of Suzhou, Jiaxing, Huzhou, Hangzhou, Changzhou, and other cities around Taihu. He was to provide mobile support whenever pirates attacked the surrounding areas.
So, the marquis had moved again.
With 40,000 pirates repelled from Suzhou thanks to Zhu Ping’an’s Zhejiang troops, the area was secure.
Marquis Linhuai chose Suzhou as the site for his new residence, claiming it was convenient for looking after Zhu Ping’an and his wife.
His new home wasn’t far from where Zhu Ping’an and Li Shu lived—a ten-minute walk at most.
“Alright, you’re a good kid. So tell me, why does your dad want to thrash you with a stick?” Zhu Ping’an asked.
“I was just trying to help my dad, but he didn’t appreciate it. Instead, he turned on me and wants to beat me to death. It’s like a dog biting Lü Dongbin—not recognising a good kid’s heart.”
Rui Ge’er said with a wronged expression, as if he were Dou E herself, his chubby face flushed with indignation.
“Go on, lay it all out,” Zhu Ping’an prompted with a smile.
“Well, lately, my dad got chewed out by his superiors. They said he wasn’t doing his job properly, told him to move camp, and ordered him to shape up—or next time, they’d deal with him. So, he’s been all worked up, and when he gets like that, he gets constipated. He’d squat in the latrine for half a day—once his legs even went numb from it.”
Rui Ge’er said while shovelling rice into his mouth.
At the mention of constipation, Li Shu immediately put down her chopsticks, her appetite gone. Thankfully, she was already full.
Zhu Ping’an didn’t mind—he’d eaten heartily on battlefields strewn with corpses; a little talk of bodily functions was nothing.
“I saw it and got worried. In my panic, I suddenly remembered something I’d heard in a storyteller’s tale: eating croton seeds makes you poop. My dad couldn’t go because he was constipated, right? So croton seeds would fix it—they’d make him go!”
“I was so impressed with myself right then. I’m a bloody genius! If I didn’t study, I could totally be a miracle doctor.”
“I wanted to surprise my dad and cure his constipation all at once, so I didn’t tell him. I just took matters into my own hands.”
Rui Ge’er said between wolfing down his food.
The kid was genuinely starving—barely any time had passed since he sat down, and he’d already polished off a big bowl of rice.
Hua’er quickly refilled his bowl.
“Ahem, how’d you do it?” Zhu Ping’an asked, already feeling sorry for Marquis Linhuai. Anyone stuck with a “miracle doctor” son like this must’ve earned some serious “blessings” in a past life.
“Last night, my dad had the kitchen stew him some bull’s treasure soup. While no one was looking, I sneaked in and dumped a big handful of croton seed powder into it. I’d ground it myself with so much effort—nearly rubbed my hands raw!”
Rui Ge’er said proudly, as if expecting praise.
A big handful?! Zhu Ping’an nearly lost it.
“My dad’s greedy too—he drank that whole huge bowl of bull’s treasure soup by himself, didn’t even offer me a sip.”
Rui Ge’er even took the chance to grumble about his dad.
