Bloody hell, Marquis Linhuai drank an entire bowl of bull’s treasure soup laced with a huge handful of croton seed powder?! Zhu Ping’an’s mouth twitched. Poor Marquis Linhuai—having such a “filial” son must mean his ancestral grave was billowing black smoke.
“After Dad finished the soup, he dragged his new concubine into the bedroom, telling me not to disturb them because he needed to ‘go over the accounts’ with her,” Rui Ge’er said, his chubby face full of grievance.
“He said they were going over accounts, but as soon as they went in, he blew out the lamp. How are you supposed to check accounts in pitch darkness?!”
Rui Ge’er complained indignantly, clearly baffled.
Heh, night-vision accounts, eh? Since ancient times, there’ve been plenty of things that glow in the dark, Zhu Ping’an thought, tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And then?”
“Then I went back to my room to play with my little turtle. I was having a blast when I heard a scream from my concubine-auntie coming from their bedroom, followed by Dad howling.”
“I rushed out, but before I even got to their door, a stench hit me so hard I nearly fell over.”
“From their room came these ‘pfft, pfft’ sounds—like wind and thunder, nonstop.”
“And my concubine-auntie was crying in there, sobbing, ‘My lord, stop pooping, I’m scared!’”
Rui Ge’er narrated with animated gestures and vivid expressions.
“Pfft!”
Li Shu couldn’t hold it in and burst out laughing. Though she felt sorry for Marquis Linhuai, it was just too funny—her stomach hurt from laughing.
“My lord, stop pooping, I’m scared!”
The mental image was simply unimaginable.
Zhu Ping’an couldn’t help but laugh too. The fact that Marquis Linhuai hadn’t beaten Rui Ge’er to death was proof enough he was his real son.
A dignified marquis, Deputy Commander of Jianghuai, reduced to uncontrollable shitting in his room—what a social death.
“You’re laughing? Dad kept going for half the night, and it’s all thanks to me! He used to squat for half the night with constipation and couldn’t go—now he went for half the night straight. I cured his days-long constipation!”
“I was worried he wouldn’t know it was my doing, so I shouted into the room, ‘Dad, keep going, it’s all my credit! I put a big handful of croton powder in that bull’s treasure soup—see, you’re not constipated anymore!’”
Rui Ge’er glared at them before continuing.
Heh, you’re brave alright. Worried he wouldn’t know your “merit”? Your dad’s really “thanking” you now.
“Hmph, you wouldn’t believe it—not only did he not thank me, but the next morning, as soon as he could get out of bed, he turned on me! He grabbed a stick that thick and chased me, saying he’d kill me, this rebellious son, and even accused me of trying to murder my own father!”
“I did it for his sake and cured his constipation, and instead of gratitude, he wants to kill me!”
“Murder my father? I was clearly saving him! My teacher just taught me the Twenty-Four Filial Exemplars—I reckon this qualifies me for a Twenty-Fifth!”
“I’m this filial, and he still wants to beat me to death. He’s so unreasonable—where am I supposed to go for justice?!”
Rui Ge’er’s chubby face was full of injustice as he angrily wiped away a tear, then turned his sorrow into appetite, burying himself in his food.
“You’re really ‘filial.’ Just don’t be this ‘filial’ again,” Zhu Ping’an said, patting Rui Ge’er’s head. Good thing he’s not my kid.
Then Zhu Ping’an glanced at Li Shu’s belly.
I, Zhu Ping’an, have lived an honest and simple life. Please, I don’t ask for my kid to ace the exams or become a top scholar—just don’t let him turn into a little terror like this.
Li Shu shot him a look.
The two could now understand each other with a single glance.
“Alright, Rui Ge’er, you meant well, but good intentions can backfire. We’ll talk about it later. For now, stay here for a few days. Don’t worry about your dad—I’ll send someone to smooth things over with him. You can go back once he’s cooled off,” Li Shu said, patting Rui Ge’er’s head to comfort him.
“Once he’s cooled off? I’m still mad! I cured his constipation!” Rui Ge’er huffed, putting on airs.
You cured him too well!
Everyone couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Alright, you must be starving. Eat up. When serving Rui Ge’er, make sure to avoid the dishes with wine seasoning,” Li Shu said, patting his head again and reminding his maid to be careful with the food.
“Brother Zhu, you eat more too,” Li Shu said, no longer eating herself but helping serve Zhu Ping’an.
“Fifth Sister, what about me?” Rui Ge’er got jealous, making a fuss when he saw Li Shu serving Zhu Ping’an.
“Fine.”
Li Shu casually picked something for him too.
“Haha, see? Your sister loves me the most!” Zhu Ping’an deliberately ate big bites to tease Rui Ge’er.
“She loves me most!”
Rui Ge’er puffed up like an angry toad, stuffing his mouth furiously.
“Whoever eats the most and enjoys it the most, that’s who I love best,” Li Shu said, squinting with a mischievous smile, egging them on.
So, Rui Ge’er chowed down like a beast, and Zhu Ping’an, to mess with him, kept up bite for bite.
In the end, Rui Ge’er’s little belly was round as a ball, and Zhu Ping’an’s face was flushed red. They took turns burping.
“I can’t eat anymore. Brother-in-law, can you still go?” Rui Ge’er gave up, tossing down his chopsticks and sprawling on the chair like a sloth.
“I’m done too.”
Zhu Ping’an let out a burp, set down his chopsticks, and waved a hand.
Not only was he stuffed, but his head felt fuzzy—probably from all the drunken crab, shrimp, and duck. The wine in those dishes must’ve had a decent kick, and after scarfing it down, he’d taken in too much alcohol.
“Rui Ge’er, come with me to the study. I’ll test your schoolwork—see if you’ve been slacking lately,” Zhu Ping’an said, shaking his foggy head. He stood up but immediately felt floaty, stumbling and nearly falling. He grabbed the table just in time, making it wobble noticeably.
“Brother Zhu! / Young Master!”
Li Shu, Hua’er, and the others called out in concern.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Zhu Ping’an waved them off, though his body still felt light.
“Hua’er, help Brother Zhu to the side room to rest,” Li Shu instructed Hua’er.
“Mm, mm.”
Hua’er’s chubby face turned red.
“No need for the side room—study’s fine. I’ll lie on the cot there. It’s just a bit of cooking wine—I’ll rest a bit and be good. I still need to study the江南 terrain map later and check Rui Ge’er’s homework,” Zhu Ping’an said, waving again and pointing toward the study.
“No need to help me, Hua’er. I’m not drunk—just a little buzzed,” he added as Hua’er approached, waving her off.
But with that wave, he swayed again and stumbled.
“Young Master, slow down!”
Hua’er hurried over, grabbing his arm and draping it over her shoulder to steady him.
