After hearing Li Shu and the others’ explanations, Rui Ge’er finally stopped clamouring to flee home. Since Sister Hua’er wasn’t a monster and Brother-in-law Steamed Bun hadn’t had his intestines yanked out, there was no way he’d go back home—returning would mean a guaranteed thrashing from his dad.
Still, Rui Ge’er wasn’t entirely convinced.
What if Fifth Sister and the others had been tricked by Sister Hua’er? He’d heard storytellers say that monsters were masters of deception.
Right—especially fox spirits, who loved tricking scholars.
Brother-in-law Steamed Bun was a scholar, and not just any scholar—the cream of the crop, the kind who could top the imperial exams.
If a monster wanted to trick a scholar, Brother-in-law Steamed Bun would be the perfect target.
I’ve got to double-check.
“Fifth Sister, Fifth Sister, I want pig’s blood. Tell the kitchen to make me pig’s blood tofu for dinner,” Rui Ge’er said, tilting his chubby face up, his little eyes darting around.
“Sure thing. Qin’er, tell the kitchen staff to buy fresh pig’s blood from the market and make pig’s blood tofu for Rui Ge’er tonight,” Li Shu said, patting his head with a smile and instructing Qin’er to arrange it.
“Black pig’s blood, black pig’s blood—it has to be black pig’s blood!” Rui Ge’er stood on tiptoes, urgently emphasizing.
“Hm?” Li Shu gave him a puzzled look.
“Ahem, Fifth Sister, black pig’s blood makes the best pig’s blood tofu. I love it—other colours of pig’s blood just don’t do it for me. I’m not making this up! With black pig’s blood, I can eat a whole bowl of rice. Other kinds, only half a bowl,” Rui Ge’er said, his confidence wavering as his eyes darted away.
“Alright, since Rui Ge’er likes black pig’s blood tofu, tell the kitchen to make sure they get black pig’s blood. If the market doesn’t have it, have them slaughter a black pig on the spot, save a big bowl of the blood to bring back, and send the pork to the army camp under Brother Zhu’s name to treat the Zhejiang soldiers—reward them for their hard work,” Li Shu instructed.
“Yes, Young Mistress,” Qin’er nodded.
“Fifth Sister, you’re pregnant—go rest. I’ll play by myself. I haven’t explored your house properly yet,” Rui Ge’er said before scampering off.
“Young Master, Young Master, wait for me!” His personal maid hiked up her skirt and chased after him anxiously.
“Don’t follow me! I’m playing alone for a bit. If you keep tagging along, I’ll draw a toad on your face—and you won’t be allowed to wipe it off for a whole day. If you do, I’ll tell Dad to sell you!” Rui Ge’er stopped after being chased for a bit, glaring at her with his chubby face and issuing his threat.
“Huh?!” The maid flinched at his words.
A toad on her face? With his awful drawing skills, it’d be hideously ugly. Walking around with that on her face for a day, unable to wipe it off—she’d die of embarrassment.
Sure, his threat to have the Marquis sell her was probably empty, but upsetting the Young Master would make life in the household miserable. Everyone here was quick to kick you when you were down.
Frightened, the maid stepped back twice, too scared to keep chasing him.
“Hmph, smart move,” Rui Ge’er smirked, tossing his head triumphantly before lumbering off like a little bear.
At first, he genuinely wandered around the estate—poking here, looking there, touching this, stepping on that—like a curious cub exploring every nook and cranny.
But once people got used to him roaming about, he seized the moment when no one was watching and slipped into the kitchen.
“Young Master,” greeted the lone kitchen maid inside. She recognised him—servants had to memorise the household’s masters, or an accidental slight could land them in hot water.
“Yeah, come here,” Rui Ge’er said imperiously.
“Young Master, what do you need?” The kitchen maid obediently approached.
“I want honey water. Go make me a bowl,” he ordered with a smug air.
“Right away, Young Master,” she replied, quickly preparing a bowl of honey water and bringing it to him.
“I don’t like bowls. Go find my personal maid and get a cup from her—she knows which one I like,” Rui Ge’er said, refusing the bowl with a look of disdain.
“Oh, alright, Young Master,” the kitchen maid agreed without suspicion. Nobles often had picky tastes in tableware—unlike common folk who’d use anything. Besides, it was still early for dinner prep; the head chef was resting, and she was just washing and picking vegetables. She had plenty of time to fetch a cup from his maid.
So, off she went to find Rui Ge’er’s personal maid.
Once she was gone, Rui Ge’er turned and ransacked the kitchen—flipping pots, overturning boxes, leaving it in shambles.
“Where is it?”
“Did they not buy it yet?!”
He muttered in disappointment, about to give up, when he spotted a basin of fresh pig’s blood under the table.
“Haha, found it!” Rui Ge’er punched the air excitedly. “The storyteller said black pig’s blood and black dog’s blood ward off evil and force monsters to reveal their true forms. Dogs are cute—I’d feel bad—but stinky black pigs? No problem.”
What to put it in?
His gaze swept over the pots and pans, shaking his head at each, until he grinned at two gourds hanging on the wall.
Climbing onto a chair, he plucked the gourds down. They held liquid—sniffing it, he wrinkled his nose at the foul-smelling wine. Must be cheap stuff. He dumped it out.
One gourd spilled out a shrivelled strip of meat; the other, a ginseng root with full whiskers.
Rui Ge’er didn’t spare them a glance. He grabbed the empty gourds, squatted by the table, and poured the black pig’s blood into one—half went in, half splattered out, turning the kitchen into a crime scene.
After capping it and shaking it, he frowned. “Only half a gourd? That’s not much. Should’ve been more if I hadn’t spilled it.”
Then his eyes lit up with a sudden idea. “The storyteller said a boy’s urine can ward off evil and reveal monsters too! I’m a boy—my pee works! And I’ve been holding it in.”
No sooner thought than done. He untied his belt, grabbed the other empty gourd, aimed, and let loose.
“Hehe, that’s half a gourd too! Half black pig’s blood, half boy’s pee—I dare any monster not to show its true form!” Rui Ge’er grinned with satisfaction, pulling up his trousers and shaking the second gourd.
