In the dead of night, Wang Shilang, the Vice Minister of Personnel, was still burning the midnight oil. His study was a mess—crumpled drafts littered the floor, and over a dozen ancient texts lay sprawled across his desk: *Tongdian: Official Posts and Titles*, *Popular Conferment System*, *Great Edicts*, *Personnel Ministry’s Policies on Appointment, Dismissal, and Nobility*, and more.
“Damn it! That blasted Zhu Ping’an—why’d he have to go and earn such merit for no reason? It’s driving me mad! What the hell should I reward this bastard with? A promotion? A title? No, no—Little Duke Yan would never agree! Then what about rewarding his family? Ugh, we already did that last time!”
Wang Shilang scribbled a few words, only to furiously scratch them out, crumple the paper into a ball, and toss it to join the growing pile on the floor.
“Damn it, what *should* I reward him with?!” His bloodshot eyes glared as he tugged at his hair, pulling out a clump. A closer look at the floor revealed more stray strands.
He had no choice. This was his fifth consecutive night working late, yet despite the effort—sleeping less than ten hours in five days—he’d made no progress. He couldn’t devise a reward that would satisfy Yan Shifan, and his hair was falling out in clumps, leaving his scalp increasingly bare.
“Master, rest a bit. You’ve barely slept in five days and nights—your body can’t take it. Come back to the bedroom for a night’s sleep,” his wife said, entering with a bowl of ginseng and goji berry soup, her voice laced with concern as she saw his state.
“Thank you, dear, but you go rest. This is an imperial order and a task from the Prime Minister. I *have* to finalize the reward proposal by sunset tomorrow,” Wang Shilang replied, glancing at his rotund wife and waving her off. *My body can’t handle staying up late, and it sure as hell can’t handle you.*
If not for needing her father’s influence back then, why would I have married you? he thought bitterly, a sigh escaping him.
In his youth, Wang Shilang had been a handsome, bright-eyed scholar. His marriage to this plump woman was purely strategic—her father, his now father-in-law, was a fifth-rank scholar at the Imperial Academy, teaching the sons of third-rank officials and above, as well as the descendants of second-rank officials. He’d built a robust network of powerful connections.
Especially notable was his father-in-law’s acquaintance with Yan Song when the latter served as the Academy’s Chancellor.
It was for that network that Wang Shilang had grudgingly wed his overweight bride.
On their wedding night, she’d crushed his waist. After three months of recovery, she’d claimed she wanted to “make it up to him”—and crushed it again.
Now, the mere thought of intimacy gave him nightmares, driving him to bury himself in late-night work to avoid it.
“Master, what reward is so important that it’s kept you from bed for days?” his wife asked, displeasure creeping into her tone.
“What reward? You wouldn’t understand even if I told you. What does a woman know?” Wang Shilang snapped, frowning.
“What’s wrong with being a woman? Sure, we might not grasp grand military affairs, but rewards? We’re experts! Managing the household, promoting servants, handing out gifts—that’s all rewarding, isn’t it?” she retorted, bristling.
“Ridiculous! You think your little household handouts compare to state honors?” Wang Shilang’s face darkened.
“Why not? My father always said, ‘Cultivate yourself, manage your family, govern the state, bring peace to the world.’ Managing a family comes before governing a state!” she shot back, her chubby cheeks wobbling.
Though plain and heavyset, she wasn’t uneducated. With a father in the Imperial Academy, she’d studied since childhood.
“Twisting words!” Wang Shilang snorted, his face blackening further. “Go back to your room and rest. Don’t add to my mess here.”
“Alright, my dear lord, I just want to ease your worries. Since you haven’t figured it out yet, why not let me help? Three cobblers can outsmart Zhuge Liang. You’re worth at least two cobblers, and I’ll manage one—maybe we’ll crack it together!” she said, softening her tone.
“You’re the one worth two cobblers!” Wang Shilang’s face grew even darker.
“Yes, yes, I’m worth two cobblers. Just tell me—what if I, this humble cobbler, come up with something? You’re stuck anyway. Treat a dead horse as a live one!” She waddled behind him, her plump hands kneading his shoulders as she coaxed him.
“Hmph.”
Wang Shilang grunted, but her shoulder massage and sweet words softened him. Though he huffed, he began to spill.
“It’s that damn Zhu Ping’an. He wiped out 40,000 pirates, captured their leader, and sank or seized over a hundred ships—a massive feat! You’re not an outsider, so I won’t hide it: this Zhu guy crossed Duke Yan. Little Duke Yan specifically ordered me to suppress his reward hard.”
“Then just suppress it—give him some empty title or toss him some gold and silver to fill the gap,” she suggested casually.
“If it were that simple, would I be agonizing for days? Look at my hair falling out! That bastard Zhu got lucky and caught the Emperor’s eye. His Majesty favors him and ordered us to draft a reward within ten days. If we suppress it too much, the Emperor won’t approve, and we’ll be the ones in trouble.”
“But if I don’t suppress his merits, it won’t pass Duke Yan or Little Duke Yan.”
“Offend them, and forget me—even your father would be dragged down, unable to stand in court.”
“Suppressing doesn’t work, not suppressing doesn’t work—I’m at my wit’s end!” Once he started, Wang Shilang couldn’t stop, unloading his woes in a rare moment of venting.
“Suppressing won’t do, and not suppressing won’t either. That’s tricky,” his wife said, her face scrunching in sympathy.
“No kidding! Would I be this stressed if it weren’t?” Wang Shilang rolled his eyes.
“Since ancient times, rewards boil down to three things: promotion, wealth, or women,” she said, counting on her fingers. “If Duke Yan and Little Duke Yan want it suppressed, promotion’s out. That leaves wealth and women. How about giving him more silver and a woman?”
“What, you think the court’s a brothel handing out women?!” Wang Shilang gaped, speechless.
