“Why can’t we give out women? When a servant in our household does something big and I can’t think of a reward, I pick a girl from the homeborn slaves, marry her off to him, toss in a few dozen taels of silver to settle them, and he’s so happy he kowtows in gratitude. From then on, he’s loyal to our house for life. If they have kids, we get another loyal servant to boot!”
Wang’s wife huffed, defending her idea with an example from her own rewarding of a meritorious servant.
“Heh, what, you want the Emperor to give him a palace maid?” Wang Shilang sneered, dripping with sarcasm.
“A palace maid? That won’t do! The Emperor has princesses, doesn’t he? And they’re not married yet. Marry a princess to him, make him a Prince Consort—what a grand favor! Every man dreams of topping the exams and marrying a princess since childhood! No matter how big Zhu Ping’an’s merit is, a princess more than covers it. He’d be family with the Emperor—talk about an enormous honor!”
“And Zhu Ping’an’s the top scholar, right? For the Emperor picking a son-in-law, who’s better than the top scholar? It solves His Majesty’s problem of finding a match—two birds, one stone!”
The more she spoke, the more excited she got, finally slamming her chubby hand on Wang Shilang’s shoulder.
That slap nearly shattered his shoulder. Pain shot through him, making him grimace and sweat, teeth clenched.
But he ignored the pain, too thrilled to care. He slapped the table repeatedly, “Princess! Son-in-law! Prince Consort! Yes—why didn’t I think of that? Haha, my dear, I didn’t expect you to have such a knack! Recruiting a son-in-law for the Emperor—what a genius idea!”
He was ecstatic.
So ecstatic that even his usually insufferable fat wife suddenly looked radiant to him. Caught up in the moment, he stood, grabbed her plump face, and planted a big kiss on it.
“Naughty man, you’re terrible, my lord!” she cooed shyly, shoving his shoulder.
The push sent him stumbling. Then she scooped him up in her arms and carried him toward the study’s bed.
A perfect demonstration of the saying: *Don’t tease unless you’re ready to be devoured.*
“You’re so strong, my lord. Drink the ginseng-goji soup quick!” she said, still unsatisfied, handing him the bowl.
Wang Shilang, clutching his aching waist, took a sip, only to wince harder as it scalded him. “Hiss, too hot!”
The soup had just come off the stove when she brought it in minutes ago—naturally, it was still piping hot.
“Alright, dear, go rest. I’ll polish this Prince Consort idea. I can’t wait to show it to Little Duke Yan—haha, this time I won’t let him down!” Wang Shilang said, cradling his sore back, grinning ear to ear at the brilliance of the plan.
He could already picture Yan Shifan praising him.
He was brimming with confidence.
“I’ll go after you finish the soup,” she replied, still craving more, wishing she could feed him ginseng-goji soup every meal.
*His old waist is so weak! Barely lasts a few shakes! Every time it’s just a teaser—none of that blissful ecstasy my friends rave about.*
Lately, she’d been eyeing the sturdy servants around the house, tempted to drag one to her room and squeeze him dry. But the risk of getting caught was too high, so she restrained herself.
Since the Prince Consort idea was her brainchild, Wang Shilang, for once, obliged and downed the scalding soup, grimacing all the way.
“Rest early, my lord,” she said, swaying her hefty hips as she left.
“Yes, yes, yes,” he replied absently, already dipping his brush to draft the proposal.
Inspiration flowed like a spring; his brush danced divinely. In one fluid stroke, he laid out Zhu Ping’an’s reward plan:
– Marriage to Princess Ning’an
– Elevation to Prince Consort Lieutenant
– Reward of 1,000 taels of gold, 10,000 taels of silver, 1,000 acres of prime land, 100 bolts of silk—*cough*, essentially the princess’s dowry.
The more he reviewed it, the more satisfied he grew—his face glowed, his grin unstoppable.
He couldn’t wait another moment to show Yan Shifan. Clutching his aching waist and the proposal, he hobbled out of the study, shouting, “Steward! Steward! Where the hell are you? Ready the sedan—now!”
“Coming, coming, my lord!” The steward, sweating buckets, rushed over with sedan bearers in tow.
“Quick—to the Yan residence! As fast as you can!” Wang Shilang barked, climbing in, impatience oozing from him.
“Put your all into it!” the steward yelled, practically whipping the bearers onward.
They dashed off, the sedan speeding to the Yan residence. When they arrived, the bearers collapsed, foaming at the mouth.
“I need to see Little Duke Yan!” Wang Shilang leapt out the moment the sedan stopped, racing into the mansion like a man meeting his long-lost father.
“Lord Wang, apologies—Little Duke Yan isn’t here. He’s at Lord Luo’s residence, tasting tea,” the gatekeeper called after him.
“What?!” Wang Shilang screeched to a halt. Exhausted from sleepless nights and with a freshly battered waist, he tripped, face-planting into a flowerbed and eating a mouthful of dirt.
“Is the Duke home, then?” he asked, scrambling up and wiping mud from his lips.
“The Duke’s attending His Majesty,” the gatekeeper replied.
“You said Little Duke Yan’s at Lord Luo’s for tea. Is this Lord Luo—Luo Longwen?” Wang Shilang pressed.
“Indeed, Lord Luo Longwen. His residence has fine tea, and Little Duke Yan visits every so often,” the gatekeeper confirmed.
“I’ve urgent business. I’ll impose on Lord Luo’s home to see Little Duke Yan, then!” Wang Shilang turned and bolted back out.
“To Lord Luo Longwen’s residence—fast, fast, fast!” He dove back into the sedan, urging them on.
The foam-mouthed bearers nearly fainted at the order. They’d just run themselves ragged—another sprint might make them spit blood.
But they had no choice. They ate Wang Shilang’s rice, so they gritted their teeth and pushed on.
Thankfully, Luo Longwen, ever eager to curry favor with the Yan family, lived just a street away. The bearers managed without bleeding, though they collapsed again, foaming and unable to stand.
“Brother Luo! Brother Luo! Sorry for the intrusion—I’ve urgent news for Little Duke Yan!” Wang Shilang burst from the sedan, tossing his waist token to the gatekeeper, and charged into Luo’s residence like a man possessed.
