The sky is high and the emperor is far away! This saying does not apply to the eunuchs and palace maids of the Western Garden. Compared to the millions of subjects of the Great Ming, they are fortunate because Emperor Jiajing is right before their eyes, allowing them to behold the imperial countenance every day. But they are also unfortunate, for the same reason: Emperor Jiajing is right before their eyes. Accompanying the monarch is like accompanying a tiger, and this is no mere figure of speech.
If Emperor Jiajing sneezes, they truly catch a cold!
When Emperor Jiajing’s countenance darkens, they live in trepidation. Today, Emperor Jiajing hurled several memorials to the ground, clearly in a foul mood, and the atmosphere in the Western Garden grew heavy accordingly. The Imperial Kitchen was even more shrouded in gloom.
When Emperor Jiajing is in a bad mood, his appetite suffers, and when his appetite suffers, the sky falls on the Imperial Kitchen.
If Emperor Jiajing does not eat well, it means the Imperial Kitchen has not done its job properly! They will face severe punishment.
Moreover, when Emperor Jiajing is in a bad mood, the Imperial Kitchen may suffer disaster from the chum.
For example, a while ago, Chef Zhang made a duck dish that Emperor Jiajing and the old Zhu clan loved, the Eight Treasures Duck.
By the way, ducks are truly a traditional delicacy of the old Zhu clan. When Emperor Hongwu founded the Great Ming and established the capital in Nanjing, that place was a duck-eating fiend. Rivers and lakes inside and outside the city provided abundant ducks, fostering the Nanjing people’s habit of eating duck. As the saying goes, no duck can leave Nanjing alive.
The old Zhu clan established their capital in Nanjing, in this land of duck-eating madness, and thus developed a habit of eating duck. Although Emperor Chengzu moved the capital to Beijing, the old Zhu clan’s duck-eating habit not only persisted but flourished. Beijing Roast Duck was passed down and popularised by a Chef Sun from the Imperial Kitchen.
Back to the point, Chef Zhang’s culinary skills were truly exquisite. As soon as it came out of the pot, the rich, savoury aroma filled the Imperial Kitchen. Drizzled with shrimp and green beans in a sauce made from the original steamed duck broth, it was indescribably fragrant. When this dish was presented, everyone thought a reward was forthcoming.
In the end, no reward came; instead, a beating arrived, nearly costing Chef Zhang half his life.
Upon inquiring the reason, guess what? It turned out that heavy snow in Liaodong caused a snow disaster, with houses collapsing and people displaced. A hot-headed censor submitted a memorial saying it was a sign from heaven, a warning from above, requesting a reduction in the sacrificial rites to save silver for disaster relief…
Emperor Jiajing was furious: How much money do my sacrificial rites cost, and it is spent from the inner treasury, my own silver!! I am not refusing disaster relief; the Ministry of Revenue has dedicated funds for it! I am already frugal enough usually! And you insinuate that I am extravagant and wasteful!
Heavy snow in Liaodong, blame me?! Heavy rain in the south causing floods, blame me too?! An earthquake in the west, still blame me?! When you cannot find the cause, you blame it on me?! Truly outrageous!
At that moment, the Eight Treasures Duck was presented!
Emperor Jiajing took one look and saw that one duck used eight ingredients, extravagant and wasteful. Was this not handing ammunition to that hot-headed censor?!
Immediately, he withdrew the Eight Treasures Duck and ordered the inner servant to drag the chef who made it down for ten strokes of the board, to serve as a warning to others.
You say, is this not an undeserved calamity!
Therefore, whenever Emperor Jiajing’s countenance darkens, it is a time of tribulation for the Imperial Kitchen, and today is such a day.
“Daddy, Daddy, Little Linzi from the imperial attendance has sent word. Besides Zhang Jing’s memorial, there are two more ill-advised memorials that have greatly angered His Majesty…”
A little eunuch came running all the way, leaning close to Eunuch Han of the Imperial Kitchen and whispering in his ear.
“Oh dear, these damned outer court officials, truly up to no good, always provoking His Majesty to anger!”
Upon hearing this, Eunuch Han’s blood pressure soared. With His Majesty’s great anger, the Imperial Kitchen was in dire straits.
Lunch was about to be served soon; what was to be done?
“Ask Chef Wang and the others to start preparing first, keep it as steady and safe as possible. As long as we avoid taboos and prevent the Imperial Kitchen from being implicated, I shall thank heaven and earth, boundless as the Venerable One.” Eunuch Han arranged anxiously.
“Daddy, you sit; I shall go right away.” The little eunuch acknowledged the order.
“How can I sit still? Go quickly.” Eunuch Han, tense beyond measure, patted the little eunuch’s shoulder and urged him.
“I shall go now.” The little eunuch immediately ran off to relay the message.
However, the little eunuch had only run out a short while when he came running back. “Daddy, Daddy, bad news, bad news! Chef Wang says his mother has suddenly fallen gravely ill and he must go attend to her. Chef Zhang says his old injury has flared up and he must go apply medicine…”
“Outrageous! Everyone knows what they are thinking! Wanting to slip out and avoid this at such a time, no way! Tell them, everyone must cook; at this time, no one can take leave for any reason! Otherwise, do not blame me for being unkind!” Eunuch Han, furious upon hearing this, cursed outright and issued a death order to assign the cooking tasks.
With Eunuch Han angry, the chefs in the Imperial Kitchen dared not make excuses to shirk and evade, so they had no choice but to proceed.
While the Imperial Kitchen was shrouded in gloom, anxiously and fearfully preparing the imperial meal, another little eunuch came running in like a streak of fire and lightning.
“Little Lin Gonggong, what has happened to you? Is your arse on fire, or are you being chased by a dog?” The little eunuch saw Little Lin Gonggong rushing in frantically and went up to greet him, joking teasingly.
The two had a good relationship and often joked.
“I am being chased by you. Come, bark like a dog for me; if it makes me happy, I shall tell you all a tremendous piece of good news.”
Little Lin Gonggong, supporting himself on the table, caught his breath, a mischievous smile on his face, said to the little eunuch.
“I shall bark for you?! Dream on?” The little eunuch, upon hearing he was to bark like a dog, shook his head vigorously.
“What are you thinking? Hurry up and bark like a dog, make it sound nice. Come, Lin Gonggong, please sit quickly, serve tea, the best tea, make haste.”
Eunuch Han came up and lightly smacked the little eunuch on the back of the head, then smilingly fetched a chair for Little Lin Gonggong to sit, and turned to instruct others to quickly serve the best tea to attend to him.
“Supervisor Han, you are too kind to this little one.” Little Lin Gonggong was flattered.
“My dear Lin Gonggong, your coming here honours us. With you here, the Imperial Kitchen is illuminated, and the dishes will taste even better.” Eunuch Han said with a hearty laugh. After speaking, he turned and glared at the little eunuch, “Hurry up and bark like a dog; if you cannot, I shall do it.”
“No, no, Daddy, how can I let you? I shall bark right now.” The little eunuch said hastily.
With that, he was about to bark.
“Oh, Little Li Zi, I was just teasing you.” Little Lin Gonggong waved his hand to stop the little eunuch from barking, laughing as he said.
“Little Lin Gonggong, come, drink tea. What is this tremendous good news you just mentioned?” Eunuch Han took the tea brought by a subordinate and solicitously placed it before Little Lin Gonggong, inviting him to drink, and asked eagerly.
“Lord Little Zhu has sent someone, offering auspicious omens to His Majesty. Oh heavens, you did not see it: two white turtles, and a bowl-sized lump of ambergris. His Majesty was greatly pleased upon seeing them…” Little Lin Gonggong did not keep them in suspense and told this good news to Eunuch Han and the others.
“Really?! Thank heavens, thank Lord Little Zhu!!! This is truly a tremendous piece of good news!”
“Wonderful!”
“Wonderful! Woof woof woof… Little Lin Zi, I must bark a few times for you,”
The Imperial Kitchen instantly erupted in jubilation. Even the steady Eunuch Han could not help but stamp his foot in excitement, and the little eunuchs and others jumped up in agitation.
