“In the mountains, it’s cooler in the morning, but by noon, the sun is just blazing, you know? Sunburn! You and I will explode in the sun, and then we’ll be two pork rinds floating in the grass! A human tragedy! Hahaha …… Is this the result you want? Pig brother!”
Chen Chi Chi sat down on her arse on the ground and reasoned with the little black pig very seriously.
Little Black Pig: “Hmph ……”
Chen Chi Chi: “Speak properly, speak Mandarin.”
Black Pig: “Hmph ……”
Chen Chichu laughed awkwardly, “Hahaha! As a member of Fly Away, we were bullied so badly by the four livestock in Li Tiezhu’s dormitory last time, tearing up the nametag …… in seconds! Do we feel good about it? Ancestral Green! Wang Zulou! Let’s take revenge today, okay? Let’s wipe out their base!”
Black Pig: “Hmph ……”
Chen Chichu: “Yikes! It’s such a big sun, why aren’t you wearing your turban? It’s okay, brother will make one for you.”
Saying that, Chen Chichihu found a few grasses on the roadside, braided them into a green grass ring, and hung it on the pig’s head.
Chen Chichi laughed, “Look! Ancestral green! We are fully equipped, let’s go find Li Tiezhu to take revenge.”
The little black pig was also magical, after putting on the green hat it was even a lot better behaved, being held by Chen Chichih obediently walking along the dirt road.
Pop-up:
“What the hell are two pigskin? Chen Chi Chi is also a pigskin?”
“Wang Zulou: No! That’s not me, I’m not that cute.”
“Chen Chi-Chi is too b*tchy too, isn’t she?”
“Wang Zulou will be furious when he sees this show, right?”
“Welcome Broken Waist King Chen Chi-Chi.”
“Excuse me, where do pigs come from?”
“Chan Chik Chik is too much of a ghost!”
“True enough! With Chan Chik Chik’s new show to open the light ……”
“Chen Chichi would definitely be a big winner if he went to Infinite Challenge.”
“This pig alone speaks volumes ……”
“Look! The pig has been convinced by Chen Chichi-Chi.”
On the other side, the display known as the Divine Mirror lit up and a familiar music rang out.
Chen Chi-Chi sent a video call.
Li Tiezhu was still doing bamboo art, Qin Tao was chopping branches, and Zheng Yanzi was catching fish in the river alone.
Qin Tao drops his axe to get on the video.
They already knew from the audience selection session of the last instalment that the guest coming in this instalment was Chen Chi-Chi, and, in the morning, director Sun Hip-Hip announced the result that eighty-five percent of the audience chose to have Chen Chi-Chi’s back injury recur.
The reason was simple, he would never work anyway, so it would be better to let him just have a natural disaster.
The video picks up.
Chen Chi-Chi’s trademark b*tchy laughter, “Oh hahahaha …… Dear friends, how are you?”
Qin Tao: “Not good!”
Chen Chi Chi: “I’m happy to see that you guys are not good, Taozi, you seem to have lost weight. Tie Zhu, are you weaving bamboo? Haha! Guess what I brought you guys?”
Li Tiezhu said, “Brought a rice bucket! You’re a rice bucket, tell you what, we don’t have any food.”
After the previous year’s four-ha filming, Li Tiezhu and Chen Chizhi’s relationship as well as very good, so he spoke very directly and did not beat around the bush at all.
Qin Tao: “Yes, we had fish for breakfast, caught it ourselves.”
Chen Chichih: “Looking down on me, right? Then I’m not coming, tell you this, I brought Qin Tao’s favourite thing.”
Qin Tao: “Guo Da Lin?”
Guo Da Lin was Qin Tao’s partner and his favourite person in the Cloud Virtue Society.
Chen Chichu: “Ah? He, does he count as something?”
Qin Tao was disappointed, “Yeah oh, he’s not a thing.”
Chen Chichu: “Hahahahaha …… Don’t you explain, I’ll record this part and send it to Da Lin! Come on, come on, let’s show you guys your primitive’s new mate.”
The camera panned down and the head of a naive and cute little black pig appeared in the camera.
Qin Tao instantly jumped up, “Chi-Chi brother! You’re my brother, my grandpa! I love you.”
Chen Chichu: “Little Green, call Brother Tao, he’s the one who will cover you from now on.”
Qin Tao dances in place, dancing with spicy eyes.
Li Tiezhu put down the bamboo mat he was weaving and walked over, saying, “Brother Chichu, where did you get the black pig? The crew doesn’t allow private stuff to be brought in.”
Chen Chichu looked puzzled: “It’s the programme team that stopped me before, took away the Jinmen large sesame flowers and a bag of pearl rice that I brought for you guys, and then, let me go to the big carousel lottery, most of those rewards are very low, a steamed bun, three buns, half a catty of noodles, five pieces of sweet potatoes and what not……. I just casually turn, turn to a live pig, huh huh hahahaha …… Isn’t it cool? Speak up!”
Li Tiezhu immediately had a blood rush: “Handsome! Handsome to the explosion! Brother! Let me put it to you this way! If you come here this time, and I let you do a little bit of work, I’m a bast*rd!”
Chen Chi-Chi laughed iconic cheap laugh, “Hmph hahaha! Even though this pig is cute, it’s not that enthusiastic! That’s it, get ready to greet me! Be there in a few minutes.”
“Eh! Hang up!”
Li Tiezhu hung up the video call, then rubbed his hands together and looked at Qin Tao, “What are you waiting for? Black pig ah! The pig is coming, your best trick ah, hurry up and get ready!”
Qin Tao: “Preparing for what? To give birth to a pig? That pig is not yet adult can not be pregnant ……”
Snap!
Zheng Yan Zi flew up and kicked down Qin Tao: “Boil water!”
Qin Tao: “Oh! I’m good at this.”
Sun Hee-hee was also having a bad day, as he had just pooped out, in the grass. After cursing for half a day, he remembered that it was a relic from last week when he was string thinning. Then he had a bad day, biting his tongue eating breakfast and breaking his foot walking.
He was in the middle of his upset when he saw Chen Chi-Chi leading the black pig along.
Sun Hee Hee: ”Teacher Chieh Chieh, welcome to Oh Exempt Primitive Man. You are suffering from a recurrence of your back injury today and cannot engage in any labour! I hope you pay attention or else ……”
Chen Chichu: “Or else how?”
Sun Hee-Hei: “Otherwise you’ll let this pig receive an attack from the coyotes, and when that happens, hmmm ……”
Chen Chichu: “Wow! You guys are too ruthless, aren’t you? They are so miserable and you still come up with this underhanded trick? I …… like it too much! Cheer up! Think of more shameless tricks, hehehe! I love seeing Li Tiezhu’s jokes.”
Sun Hee Hee: “……”
Black Pig: “Hmph hmph hmph!”
Chen Chichi led the black pig to the campsite by the river and saw the busy Li Tiezhu trio: “Hahahaha …… I thought you guys were miserable, but I didn’t think you were this miserable! Hahahaha …… houses are not even there, this is the real primitive people ah!”
Li Tiezhu: “The pig was drawn by you?”
Chen Chi Chi ignored him and faced the audience, “Friends of the audience, everyone, the serious brother Li Tiezhu, who swept the major variety shows, also has today? It’s true that there is a cycle in the heavens, and the heavens have spared no one …… I broke my back today, but I’m extraordinarily high! Wow hahahaha ……”
Li Tiezhu gave him a blank look and asked Qin Tao: “Is the water boiling?”
Qin Tao: “It’s almost boiling.”
Li Tiezhu then clapped his hands and stood up, “Come on! Kill the pig.”
Black Pig: “Hmph hmph hmph ……”
Chen Chi-Chi also froze: “What? What the hell?”
Li Tiezhu innocently said, “Killing a pig! The black pig you brought in.”
Chen Chichu: “It’s still a child ah, only eighty pounds, raise it for another half a year can grow to two hundred pounds!”
Li Tiezhu: “We only have three months to record the programme, not half a year.”
Chen Chichu: “Then we can’t kill it! I brought the sheep for the mushroom house, Tianba! People raised to death also did not kill, you this …… I’m on the road to the little green said well, come to you to be a happy pet, carefree, and scarf account ……”
Li Tiezhu: “Look, our conditions, how is it compared to the mushroom house?”
Chen Chichu: “Erm …… it’s a little bit worse, but you can’t take it out on a pig? If you have the ability to kill Sun Hip-Hip to go, he can be much fatter than my little green.”
Li Tiezhu: “Murder is against the law.”
Chen Chi Chi: “……”
At this time Zheng Yanzi said, “Black pork is delicious, and …… can also make sausage bacon.”
Chen Chichu instantly lost his modesty: “I came for two days, sausage bacon can I eat on?”
Zheng Yanzi: “The bacon has to be smoked and air-dried, you can’t eat it, but the sausage can be, after all, the fresh sausage taste is also good.”
Chen Chi-Chi said, “As the saying goes, if I don’t go to hell, who will go to hell, Little Green is in your hands! I’ll go inside and lie down for a while.”
Little Black Pig: “Hmph hmph hmph ……”
Chen Chichi saluted, “Little Green, I’ll see you in the next life! Cheer up! Primitive!”
Chen Chi-Chi is very good at acting, with his hands in his waist, limping towards the hut, and then lying on the bamboo bed with hay inside …… to play with his mobile phone, this show is so easy, thanks to the audience and friends to choose me to hurt my back!
There is only a row of naked bamboo hitch on the ceiling, and the tarpaulin was uncovered by the programme team last period, but it is just right, the light is very good, and Chen Chichih played the game Dream Three Kingdoms.
On the other hand, Li Tiezhu three people made a mistake, how to kill this pig?
At home, there are only saws, hoes, kitchen knives, axes and scorn knives, which are not suitable for killing pigs.
Qin Tao said, “Let’s axe directly decapitate the head!”
Zheng Yanzi said, “It’s too cruel. It’s better to use a cleaver to cut the throat.”
Li Tiezhu shook his head, “Qin Tao you are still the young class master of the pig farm! Killing a pig is a technical job. In general, to kill a pig, you need to keep the pig at a hip-high, head-low angle, and take a sharp knife to stab in through the throat and directly pierce the pig’s heart, so that you can do a quick bleed and make the pig suffer less pain.”
Little Black Pig: “Hmph hmph hmph ……”
Qin Tao: “I only know how to deliver babies and give postnatal care to pigs, I don’t know how to kill pigs, what’s wrong? Am I proud?”
Li Tiezhu: “Roll! Let me think about it, we don’t have a sharp knife …… right now it’s a bit of a problem.”
Tick-tock ……
Once again, the “divine mirror” rang.
The three of them looked at it, and it was a video call from Deerhawni.
Li Tiezhu frowned and pondered while saying, “It might be him sponsoring today’s airdrop, Soo Pig, go pick up the phone, and Xiong Er bolted the pig to the edge of the woods over there to graze.”
Qin Tao slid to connect the video.
“Hello ah, Taozi? Where’s Tie Zhu? Oh, see, hahaha …… I watched the last instalment last night, you guys are too miserable, right? Brother to save you guys.”
Li Tiezhu: “Save what? Have you chosen the airdrop?”
Deer Hani: “What air drop? I’m bringing you guys something ah, I’m almost there, look.”
Deerhani turned his mobile phone, and what appeared was the view of this big mountain.
Li Tiezhu was delighted, “You also came? What have you brought?”
Deer Ha Ni: “Do not tell you, ready to receive the driver! Hang up.”
The phone call was interrupted, Li Tiezhu frowned, this issue even has two guests? Deer Ha Ni, what could it bring? Will there be a pig-killing knife?
